alaiyo

I've never liked this month. Depresses me. It reminds me that the year is drawing to a close, that relaxation is over, that the trees will lose their lovely green colour,that I have to get my life into gear, that another (school)year has gone by and I haven't done half of the things I'd set out to do...it's the same sort of feeling I get in January. The difference is January is a real new beginning, and it precedes Spring,hopeful Spring. September is just an autumn month. Nothing bright to look forward to, unless you love Christmas of course, which I most definitely don't!
Depressing time of the year,which reminds me I'm not getting any younger.Probably because I feel I'm entering the autumn stage of my life, even though I'm desperately clinging onto my summer,whilst yearning for an impossible second chance at spring...

If I hear ONE more word about the "significance" of today I will act like an American!(ie kill someone-it's cathartic, don't you know!)

Of course it affected me. OF course I cried and felt impotence at not being able to do anything but watch those people waving hankies out of windows..jumping to oblivion...

But God!(Figure of speech!) I could name cases and cases of people dying(not because they're "unlucky enough to be in the wrong place" but because Uncle Sam doesn't give a fuck -or does, depends on what's in it for the good ole US of A) and nobody being "able to do anything about it". I'm not insensitive, as you know, but it pisses me off that all those people who died two years ago are just what America" needed". An excuse to be American. An excuse for egocentric,blinkered despots to rally together, and weep at their tragedy whilst oblivious to all the others they cause on a daily basis around the planet.

Makes my blood boil.

I hate politicians in general. Some of them in particular. All of them ,once they've got some power to wield. I don't hate individual Americans. It's the collective Masters of the Universe thing that rubs me up the wrong way. Playing at being God. Like the planet is some friggin' playstation.When you put politics and small minded America together, you have a dangerous combination.

I feel bad for those who died and their families. I feel very angry at the flag-waving. Particularly in their name. No amount of that will ease the pain for them today.And no amount of arab bashing either.Ultimately they were PEOPLE , not AMERICANS.

Not much has really changed since the landing at Plymouth Plantation after all. Dem poor WASPS is still da "victims of persecooshun".And they will continue their witch hunts...Lord have merrrrrrrrrrcy!

Elsa started school today.

HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not that I don't love her or anything...

I have to wake her up at 7.45!!! 7 fucking 45!!!! (Well? I AM an insomniac which means I don't get to sleep early...)And then rush around like a headless chicken until 8.45. That's cutting it a bit fine to make it for the nine o'clock start. Particularly when all the people who inhabit the province are driving down the same friggin' road I'm on!

All the way there Elsa kept saying, toast in hand, "Tardas mucho mami.Va a haber muchos niños, ¿verdad?"

We were told to wait in the playground for the distribution of classrooms.It was not very warm this morning, so this idea did not go down too well with Elsa. Whilst waiting, a woman came up to me , smiling. She's one of the girls I met in my long stay at hospital last year before giving birth to Ania. She has a boy one year older than Elsa, and a baby girl one month younger than Ania.We have a lot in common (same name even) and we never get round to meeting up. Looks like we will now.

The headmaster came out with a microphone that didn't work,(why do they never work?), and began telling us, (I think), how they'd added an annexe to the main building, just for the nursery age(3-5)and how they will have to add an annexe to the annexe because of the amount of kids who want to go there.He said thank you to all the people who had made possible all the improvements. Just like the Oscars.

Two of Elsa's former classmates showed up, which is great. Inés and Iago. Her "best" friend Alba's gone to another school, but the look on Elsa and Ines' faces when they saw each other was priceless. It was as if they were tacitly agreeing on getting up to all sorts of mischief this term!

When the Head asked the four-year-olds to find their class Elsa said,

"no quiero ir, no quiero ir".

I thought ,"Fucking merda, here we go"

I said,"Mira, vas a ver a Inés, Iago...un montón de niños nuevos, profe nue.."

"Ah, pero,¿ no vamos a casa?"

"No, vamos a tu clase nue.."

"Bieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!"

And she started skipping! She had worried for a minute that I was going to take her away from THE CHILDREN!

She didn't even turn round when I said bye. She was with Inés, standing by the tables, talking in hushed voices, probably scheming something.

At last she's back at school. I won't have to spend hours with her in the mornings trying to convince her to finish her breakfast before lunchtime,(it got left in the car today); or to pick up things; or not to scream when I'm on the phone; or not to spend all morning running around barefoot whilst I'm screaming "put your bloody slippers on" and she shouts back "slippers on, slippers on" ; or not to squeeze Ania TOO hard when she kisses her; or not to poke Ania in the eye when she's sleeping, tell her off for waking up crying and then say it's not her fault...

She didn't cling to me, or say "mami, por favor, no marches". She didn't look at me with sad, pleading eyes. She's a "big girl" now.. the funny thing is...

...I wanted to stay there with HER!!

SNIF!

Back in the 80s I used to practically live in the McDonald's round the corner from college.At exam times, I used to drink coffee by the gallons and usually college caf was passable.The day I tried it at Mac's I spat it out over my Big Mac. Then, I went over to the smiling guy behind the counter and said(smiling)

"Excuse me. There's something wrong with this coffee, would you mind changing it? I've just had to spit it out or puke and now my Big Mac's impregnated , so could I possibly have another Mac while I'm at it?"(Smile, smile)

The guy smiled wider and said no probs about the coffee but that the Mac was another matter. I disagreed so we had a wee discussion on the matter. In the end, the manager offered me another mac.

And another coffee.

When I took a big gulp out of the second cup I thought they were taking the piss, and I got up saying "se van a reir de su @#@# madre"(Always was a cocky foulmouthed little shite), went over and said

"Excuse me, again, but there must be something wrong with your coffee today because it tastes like shit. Is there any chance of getting a decent cup or do I just give up the idea?"

The smiling guy must have fancied me because he gave me another cup. Free.Without the manager knowing.

My friends were laughing but I didn't find it funny anymore. I just wanted a friggin' dose of caf!So as I walked back to the table I was thinking

"0k, 3rd time lucky" or something like that.

Sat down, took a sip and spat it out. Got up. Went back to smiley and said

"Where's the manager?"

I asked the manager if they had something against me personally or if they were on a mission to poison half of London.

The manager's reply:

"No one else seems to have a problem with our coffee"

My reply

"Because they're dead?"

I left very irrate. My friends took me to the pub around the corner to get me to calm down or get pissed.They found it all hilarioius. Then while we were drinking I decided to write a letter that night.

I did.

Sent it the next day.

Got a polite reply saying they took care to serve good quality products blah blah, and would look into it.

I never did have the courage to see if they did.